She chose open adoption for her sons, Elijah and Judah, and is now pursuing a master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling to support birth moms.

Rachel was 24 years old when she had overdosed on cocaine for the third time. Her life was on a rocky path, having survived an attempted suicide just a few years prior. She had used drugs to numb the trauma she experienced from sexual assault and the pain she felt from growing up in an unstable home with parents who struggled with addiction.

“To self-medicate through the pain that I was going through, I would take [drugs] over the course of many years. Even after that, I struggled finding stable relationships. I had experienced rape more than one time, and I had ended up overdosing on various drugs three times before I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son, Elijah,” Rachel explains.

On Dec. 23, 2017, Rachel found out she was unexpectedly pregnant — a month after her overdose. The miracle of a baby growing in her womb was the motivation Rachel needed to find freedom from hard drugs.

“Honestly, I say that Elijah saved my life. Really, Jesus did. But He sent Elijah to save my life,” Rachel says. “I’m very thankful because there’s only so many times you can overdose before it’s going to be the last one.”

Choosing life and open adoption

Rachel grew to love her baby boy, but she was told to get an abortion by the people close to her. Despite her circumstances, she believed choosing life for her son was the right choice.

“In my heart, I knew that this was a child. This was a life that was inside of me. It’s not like that child ever asked to be put there. It was my actions that led me to this situation and my carelessness, so I knew in my heart that abortion was just not an option,” Rachel explains.

As her pregnancy progressed, Rachel started to consider open adoption. She wanted to give Elijah the best life possible and prayed for a Christian family to raise him in a loving, faith-filled home. 

“There’s no way I had what my child needed to be able to grow up and be healthy and just to end the intergenerational trauma. I was convinced after everything I experienced …  it’s going to stop with me,” Rachel says.

God heard Rachel’s prayers and connected her to a Christian couple at the church her dad attended who had been praying for the opportunity to adopt a baby.

“When I met them, I was like, this feels right. I feel peaceful being around them,” Rachel recalls.

Rachel spent the remainder of her pregnancy building a strong relationship with Elijah’s adoptive parents, John* and Krista*. They encouraged Rachel as she continued her college education and supported her throughout her pregnancy.

“It’s beautiful because they were literally there from probably like a month after I found out I was pregnant up to the day he was born. They had their hands on my belly. They got to feel him kick. Elijah could hear their voices from outside. So he’s known them a really long time. He’s known them longer than he’s been in this world,” Rachel says.

Elijah was born at 34 weeks via c-section and stayed in the NICU for several days. Rachel signed the adoption papers shortly after Elijah’s birth — a day filled with loss and sadness, but also with joy, love and redemption.

“A part of me died then, really died,” Rachel recalls. “I got to see a very happy couple who absolutely deserved to have this baby go home with them … I would cry. I just wanted my baby.”

Despite the grief she felt, Rachel loved Elijah so much and believed adoption would be best for him.

“I couldn’t [keep him] though, because if I did, I would have had to have my parents watch him. The things that he would have to experience would be out of selfishness for me because he deserved to have a family that loved each other, to grow up and see what love looked like and to know what it felt like — something that I’ve never had. And most importantly, he had to have godly parents to be able to lead him in a Christ-like life to build that relationship that I had never had,” Rachel explains.

‘It’s a sacrificial kind of love’

In 2021, Rachel found herself unexpectedly pregnant again. She didn’t want her children to be separated from one another so she asked John* and Krista* if they would adopt her son. It turned out that John* and Krista* had been praying for another baby to adopt.

“The Lord takes things that were meant for evil and to destroy us, but then turns them into something beautiful and good. Having to go through all of that pain and suffering again, I think another part of me died that day too. But I know that they’re a family, and he’s with his brother and they’re all together,” Rachel says. “[John* and Krista*] are raising them to try and help them understand they’re adopted. They call me Mama Rachel. That’s a blessing in itself.” 

Rachel gave birth to her second son, Judah, when she was 27. She pumped breast milk for her two boys and played a role in naming them, with the adoptive parents’ blessing. Rachel is an active part of her sons’ lives and gets to visit them regularly. 

“Jesus and God and His love for us — that’s an adoption story. He sent His only Son to die so that we didn’t have to so we could be adopted into His family. It’s a sacrificial kind of love, and that’s what being a birth mom is — it’s sacrificing yourself for the sake of your children. The moment they are conceived, it stops being about you. It’s about your baby,” Rachel explains.

Rachel’s unplanned pregnancies changed her life for the better. Those experiences brought Rachel her sons, the biggest blessings of her life. If not for her children, she says she would have likely continued using drugs.

“My boys gave me even more motivation … to actually want to be here, to want to be better … I want them to be proud that I’m their Mama Rachel,” she says.

In 2024, Rachel felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to change her life. She stopped smoking weed after 16 years of use and has been sober from cocaine and pills for over 8 years. She has been consistently going to church and Bible study for over a year.

Rachel’s old self is gone, and her new self is experiencing the redemptive, transformative power of God’s love and grace. She is currently pursuing a master’s in clinical mental health counseling while working with horses on a farm. Rachel plans to use her education to support birth moms and wants to help  an anti-sex trafficking ministry that her church supports called Destiny Rescue.

“In my heart, I knew that with everything I’ve been through with addiction and trauma and placing my boys, I’m supposed to be serving and helping other people,” Rachel says.

Rachel is passionate about sharing her testimony to advocate for other birth moms. She has been a speaker for Moms Not Forgotten, a 501(c)3 organization that promotes adoption awareness.

“A lot of times [birth moms are] overlooked, and it hurts. It really hurts. But, you know, in the end, Jesus sees what we do, the sacrifice we made, which mirrors the sacrifice that He made for us,” Rachel explains.

Rachel’s encouragement to those facing an unplanned pregnancy:

“For someone who’s facing an unplanned pregnancy, I would encourage you to really seek the Lord. Just like Psalm 27:8 says, ‘My heart says of you, Seek his face! Your face, Lord, I will seek.’ Really seek His guidance. Listen to His voice. It’s not going to be that loud, booming voice that you hear. It’s going to be a still, small voice. I would say don’t ever lose hope, because even in the midst of your trials and tribulations, you’re never alone.”

Writer’s Note: A pseudonym was used for Elijah’s and Judah’s adoptive parents, John* and Krista*.

Written by Loren Ward.