End the Stigma is a series that tackles issues related to unplanned pregnancies. Our founder, Loren Ward, draws from her unplanned pregnancy experience to change the attitudes and conversations around this topic.
When I found out about my unplanned pregnancy during my last semester in college, I felt joy and grief at the same time.
I grieved the myriad of plans and expectations I had for my life, and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of questions.
What’s going to happen to my career? Will I graduate on time? How am I going to balance my life with a baby on the way? What are people going to think of me? How will this unplanned pregnancy affect my relationships? Am I going to have enough support? Am I ready for this? Will I be a good mom? What do I need to do to prepare for a baby?
I had wanted to join the Peace Corps after college. But with a baby on the way, I focused on finishing college and changed my course of direction. Motherhood became the dream job.
As I navigated those new changes, I found joy in the fact that I was a mom with a baby growing inside me. Despite the grief, I learned to dream of a new life far different from the plans I had. I started to dream of all the milestones, adventures and beautiful moments I would have with my child. I started to dream about what type of family I wanted to create, what type of mom and wife I wanted to become.
There were days when the grief was stronger than the joy I felt. The reality is that an unplanned pregnancy is not all sunshine and rainbows. Yes, there is joy in the miracle of life. But unplanned pregnancies have a way of tossing men and women into an ocean of anxiety, fear and dread.
Yes, babies are a blessing, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. But growing a baby in the womb and raising a child are difficult and require sacrifice from both the mom and dad.
Children change the trajectory of our lives, and we learn to endure the journey. We learn to be flexible. We learn to be resourceful. We learn to adapt to new changes.
And through that process, motherhood and fatherhood unlock a new person within us — a rebirth occurs.
Yes, grief and joy can coexist. But the human spirit is strong enough to endure both at the same time.
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