End the Stigma is a series that tackles issues related to unplanned pregnancies. Our founder, Loren Ward, draws from her unplanned pregnancy experience in college to change the attitudes and conversations around this topic.
One of the first people I talked to when I became pregnant in college was my worship leader at church. I sent her a long message about my unplanned pregnancy and told her I’d step down from the worship team to avoid any conflict at church. I knew what I did was wrong, and I felt so ashamed. My boyfriend and I had an unplanned pregnancy, and I thought that would ostracize me from my church community.
I wasn’t exactly sure how she was going to respond, but her reaction affirmed my decision to choose life. She responded with words of encouragement and asked to meet with me in person for coffee.
I was nervous to see her, but she embraced me with so much love and warmth. She gave me a little bag that had a baby toy, a lotion, and some anti-nausea treats. I felt deeply loved.
She assured me that I was going to be cared for by the church. She shared my situation with a church elder, who ended up being one of our biggest supporters during that unplanned pregnancy. What’s more, our pastor and his wife (who was my mentor) walked alongside us and uplifted us during that season. Our pastor later officiated our wedding!
My church’s response to my unplanned pregnancy was filled with grace, love, mercy and compassion. My husband and I didn’t feel judged by our church. We felt so supported during that challenging season in our lives.
Unfortunately, not many men and women who face unplanned pregnancies outside of marriage receive that type of support from their church.
I recently studied a 2016 Care Net research on women who’ve had abortions and their views on church. At least a thousand surveys were conducted, and the findings were alarming.
Here were some of the key findings that I found the most interesting:
These statistics are heartbreaking to read. The findings show how much the church needs to step up in caring for the women in their congregations.
My husband and I were extremely blessed to receive support and encouragement from our church. We were covered in prayer and had a community of believers rooting for us. That is how a Christ-like church ought to act.
I can’t imagine how many women in churches would have chosen life if their church invested in pro-life programs or ministries, caring for both the baby and the mother. How many women in churches would have chosen life if their pastors and church leaders actually talked about the truth of abortion — that it kills innocent lives in the womb?
Many churches choose to remain silent due to fear of man. They are afraid of being canceled or persecuted or ostracized. So they conform. They waiver in their beliefs and values. Many churches avoid preaching about abortion because they treat it as a political issue. But as Christians, they should actually be treating it as a Biblical issue because God values life inside and outside of the womb.
The church is supposed to be a lighthouse, a beacon of light, a role model for society, a counterculture to society’s demise. Instead, the church remains silent on abortion. So as the church chooses to remain silent, so do many women who face unplanned pregnancies and abortions remain silent.
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