End the Stigma is a series that tackles issues related to unplanned pregnancies. Our founder, Loren Ward, draws from her unplanned pregnancy experience in college to change the attitudes and conversations around this topic.
Britney Spears recently revealed that she had an abortion during an unplanned pregnancy with Justin Timberlake. In her new memoir “The Woman in Me,” she details her abortion experience and how it impacted her.
She says, “It was a surprise, but for me, it wasn’t a tragedy. I always expected us to have a family together one day … But Justin definitely wasn’t happy about the pregnancy. He said we weren’t ready to have a baby in our lives. That we were too young. I’m sure people will hate me for this, but I agreed [to abort] the baby. I don’t know if it was the right decision. If it had been left up to me alone, I never would have done it. And yet Justin was so sure that he didn’t want to be a father.”
Hearing about Britney’s abortion broke my heart. I cannot imagine the loss she felt and how her abortion impacted her mentally and emotionally. I wonder what would have happened if Justin had stepped up to be a man rather than pressuring Britney to have an abortion.
Britney’s story hits home because I know the value of having a good man by my side. Two factors affirmed my decision to choose life during my unplanned pregnancy in college: my beliefs as a Christian and my boyfriend’s (now husband) willingness to stay with me and choose life.
I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. The thought of abortion plagued my mind. But my boyfriend embraced the news with so much joy. After I gave him a Valentine’s box with two pink shoes in it, he hugged me and told me how much he loved me. He told me he was going to marry me and that he would stay by my side. Every single day, he encouraged me and told me I was going to be a great mom. He uplifted me and showed me my strengths. He reminded me how resilient I am, how capable I am of achieving my dreams while being a mom. He sacrificed his time to make sure the baby and I were cared for. He stepped up and became a leader for our little family. He provided for us. He went above and beyond to support me and the baby. He stayed true to his faith and his beliefs as a Christian and chose life with me. But most importantly, he simply loved me and the baby throughout that entire journey.
87% of post-abortive women report being pressured into having an abortion, especially by their boyfriends or significant other.
The Charlotte Lozier Institute
I was so blessed that I didn’t have to hear my boyfriend tell me to get an abortion. I was fortunate to have a great man who was courageous enough to stand up for what is right. Looking back, I am glad I never had to have that conversation with him. I am grateful he didn’t pressure me to have an abortion. I am thankful I didn’t experience what Britney had to go through with Justin.
It breaks my heart to see society applaud men who do nothing during unplanned pregnancies. It hurts to see society respect men who are cowards and would pressure their girlfriends to go through an abortion. It saddens me to see how many men are willing to stay silent while their baby is being killed in the most violent ways. It is infuriating to know that there are so many men willing to walk away and place the burden of loss, shame, guilt and abortion trauma on their girlfriends.
These “men” that society applauds are not men at all. They are cowards. I think abortion is patriarchal because it allows men to not be responsible for their actions. Abortion allows men to not hold themselves accountable. It enables men to continue to take advantage of women without any repercussions.
Men aren’t the ones taking the chemical abortion pills. Men aren’t the ones going through a D&C or a D&E abortion procedure. It’s women. Because of abortion, men get to walk away and pretend like nothing happened. But women have to spend years and years of their lives recovering from that abortion trauma. They have to spend decades healing from that loss.
As much as women need to be encouraged, men need to be encouraged too. They need to know that they’re going to be a great dad, that they’re capable of being a leader for their family, that they’re strong enough to be a father and a husband. Men need to be empowered.
When my boyfriend told his friends about our pregnancy, his friends hugged him and told him he was going to be a great dad. That encouragement uplifted him during a very difficult time in his life. It helped him become confident in his abilities and his strength. It empowered him to step up and show up in the best ways possible.
I am so grateful for the man I married. He often tells me how strong I am. But in all honesty, he’s the strong one.
Ladies, find yourself a man who loves you enough to choose life with you. Don’t settle for less.
Men, go home and tell your girlfriend how much you love her. Remind her how strong she is, and choose life with her.
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